I have been busy.

I have been working when I can, exercising when I feel like it, de-cluttering my home, drinking wine and enjoying the company of my family and my friends. I have been really BUSY. 

Everyone thinks I am handling losing Caleb pretty well. The thing is I am not a person who likes to put my emotions on showcase. So when I face the world I slap on my smile and make everyone around me 'comfortable'.

Checking out is not an option for me so I can only move forward and move forward I shall! I get sad, really fucking sad and I cry, and I EMBRACE it all and then I carry on. Some days I don't want to do anything. I don't want to get out of bed, get showered or dressed. I just want to cry in bed all day.. but I can't and if I did it, just one day, then I would be falling back.

I will not let this depression absorb me. I have to be strong. If not for me, then for the men in my life who need me to be their mother and soul mate.

I should be into my third trimester now. I should be enjoying my pregnancy and getting everything ready for Caleb's arrival. Instead I am keeping busy and getting anything I don't like out of my life.

I hate this.