It happened.
I completely broke down and exploded with the raw emotions I have been feeling over the last few months. It was wine induced of course but it was also the beginning of the true path to peace for me.
I coincidentally had a scheduled counseling session the day after. I also decided it might be a good idea to speak to my doctor about my thoughts. We decided that I would begin taking an anti-anxiety and depression medication supported by regular counseling. This will last for 6 months at which point I will hopefully no longer require medication to deal with my emotions.
4 weeks after that decision this is what I can tell you. I have not had a drop of alcohol and I have put the cupcakes down. My mind feels more organized and I can begin to process my feelings one by one, filing them once complete. I am exercising and eating healthy (I have lost 9.2 pounds in the past 3 weeks). I am enjoying every moment with Aiden and beginning to have many better days and truly accepting what has happened.
My goal is to find peace and remove the anger, guilt and sadness from myself. It may take weeks, months, years or forever. But I am working on it.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Caleb. I will always wonder about him and what his life could have been. He forever holds a very special part in my heart.
For my son that is with me, my soulmate that loves me, and myself... I must now find peace.
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