I am blessed.

Last night while reflecting on everything that has happened over the past month, I forgot one important thing: I am blessed.

I am blessed to already have a beautiful little boy who lights up my life. Who needs me to keep it together and be his mom. Who loves me unconditionally.

I am also blessed to have a wonderful partner. A man who has kept it together for me and has been my rock throughout this entire experience.

I remember our first appointment with the specialist and after she had finished explaining everything and I had gotten all of my tears out I said "it could be worse". She looked at me like I was nuts, but the truth is, it could be.

It could be that we had been trying for a long time to get pregnant, that this was our first pregnancy or that we had invested lots of money to have our child. None of those are the case and to any mother who this has been the case for, I am sorry.

So I will continue to cry every day for Caleb. When the light shines through the dark clouds I will remind myself the things I have to be thankful for and not the things I want to hate the world for.