My sleep is messed up.

I fell asleep tonight while putting Aiden to bed and woke up past midnight because toddler beds are not very comfortable... Guess who is wide awake now?

We have a follow up appointment with our family doctor on Thursday. I think she wants to make sure we are doing ok. At this point I would love to check out but know that is not an option... I will get through this.

Did your doctor put you on any medication to deal with all the emotions after losing your baby?

We also have our very first appointment with our grief counselor next Wednesday - exactly 2 weeks after losing Caleb. Should I mention that I started a blog or will she think I am a nut case for airing our my feelings with complete strangers? - Which by the way is much easier than with friends and family... weird right?

Before I became pregnant I went to boot camp regularly and did a lot of running. I have this theory that if I start running again then I will be able to feel Caleb with me. Like he will be flying above my head with his little angel wings fluttering. I know it sounds crazy but who knows.

I promised myself I would get active again before the end of January. Sitting on my ass, crying and eating Twinkies is much easier but I need to move forward.