I finally ran tonight.
After Dan was nearly a half an hour late getting home.
After spending over an hour trying to get Aiden to bed.
After the universe reminding me of Caleb (even though I deserved it this time).
I ran. My lungs were burning and my heart was pounding and it felt fantastic.
In my head I feel like I am running in circles. I am doing all these things to move forward but the satisfaction from completing those things only lasts for a short period of time before I need to start the cycle again.
Maybe I need to stop trying. Maybe I should just let myself move as it wants. Lose control and just float and see where I land.
Maybe I just really miss having Caleb in my belly... where he should be.
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